When we define maleness, or masculinity, we are quick to assume that to be a man means being aggressive, loud, violent, and dominant. Consider the “idea” of what it means to be a man in our society. Society rarely provides space for men to be whole. I hear the phrase “man-up” used so frequently, I often wonder in what context the word “man” is being used and what it really says about how society views masculinity as a whole.įor years, I have grappled with this idea of maleness and masculinity from both a social and political lens. I was also told that I needed to “man-up” after I found out my best friend died in the 9th grade and again after I experienced my first rejection letter to college. I had been told to “man-up” by a family member after I said I didn’t want to play football (or any sport really). It wasn’t the first time I had heard the term “man-up” being used to describe the need that young men have to hide their emotions. The phrasing of “needing to man up” was used over 50 times, so much that I was not only exhausted, but perplexed. Upon asking them why it seemed that they were emotionless during the exercise, they shared that they didn’t allow themselves to exhibit such emotions because they needed to be strong for the other men in the group. Many of the young men shared that they immediately wanted to cry after the experience. In this particular situation, the young men were sharing their feelings about an exercise that each of them had just experienced, focused on the misogyny, sexism, and patriarchy that women often face in society. I can recall the first time that I asked the question, “What does it mean to be a man?” to a group of young men I was doing healing work with.
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